Saturday, December 21, 2002

uh.. i think that i'm gonna die... hey Russ i dont like you no more.. how bout that one.. and doug i dont wanna care bout you .. and there is no US.. its over.. no more..I DONT CARE ANYMORE... IM NOT LETTIN ANY OF THIS SHIT BOTH ME ANYMORE

and Brittany bout the music thing.. god get over it.. its just music. its not like it a boy or something. life will go on if i listen to it to.

umm,... there is this new girl at our school.. omg what a bitch .. i swear she made fun of everyone at our school.. this girl on my bus was tellin me how she made fun of everyone in school... i was geez.. what did we ever do to her.. she said she was here on punishment.. who knows.. but the girl on my bus was bout ready to rip her apart.. i was like GOOO the girl on my bus

note... i will not put your name on here unless i chould give shitless.. thank you

on christmas i get a cam.. YAY .. woo hoo.. lol.. anyway.. thats all for now.. buh byee

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

hey.. yea.. me and brittany are fighting.. because she got me listenin to The Used. and stuff.. ohh welll.. anyway.. i'm really bored.. hah.. yea i'm still grounded.. i'm at school.. yay, what fun. wendy went home eairly.. damn her.. i wanna leave..i have a shit load of stuff to make up for science.. i give up on things. yes...... some people piss me the fuck off... i mean com'on.. when i say no to something i mean NOO.. damnit... robby wanted to see my song that i wrote.and i said no.. but he wouldnt leave me the fuck alone about it.. so i punched him.. in english i was readin my english project...and it was funny i guess.. everyone was laffin... tho i got like a 15/30.. hah .. yea. i suck and i know it.. ronnie punched me in the lip today.. i was "crying"...and i said it was "bleeding"..and he felt bad.. and i a laffed.and he punched me agian.. i have somethin to write something to write but i dont want to right now.. wel gotta go.. bye

Sunday, December 15, 2002

i never really cared bout anything ever... and i'm sure you dont really care bout my messed up life.. huh? yea.. but for the very few who read things who know me.. yea.. i'm sorry for bitch and feelin sorry for my self.. i know shouldnt.. ive been posting long post that you most likly havent really read.. and thats my falut.. i think i have a good look on everything cept for something that has to do with me.. everytime somethin gets good.. it goes bad.. it doesnt go my way... i think im a good person.. how come i always get picked on.. i try to be good.. i try to do good things.. so i dont have that good of grades.. so im not that pretty.. but i guess it dont matter .. does it?... huh.. i have like 5 mins to finish..

i think i'm gonna do things my way from now on... its my way.. none can tell me what to do.. im on my own.. and Russ i'm sorry.. but i wont try anymore.. if you like me.. you do.. if you dont you dont. you dont have to .. i never said you did. but i still will like you .. not matter what i will. and if you wanna go me. you have my number..okay

Wendy.. thanks alot.. i really needed you to be there.. but you confuse me alot.. ya know?.

Brittany .. i'm really sorry.. i shouldnt have ever done that .. i know.. but its all over.. no more of me not being there.. no more of me cryin and feelin sorry for myself..

Jesa..i love you like a sister.. and alll and i'm really sorry for missin you party.. i'll make it up to you.. i promise..

well thats all .. haha.. yea.. buh bye.. peace
hey.. i'm grounded two weeks.. bad grades.. i'm a dumb ass i know...

me and my sister got into a fight agian.. she hit me.. it hurt.. badly..and she ran off.. so i walked to my firends house... i didnt wanan stay there by my slef.. wellmy sis isnt aloud to see her b/f.. b/c they did it in a park.. hha. yea.. grosss.. anyway..

so she ran a away like 3 times.. yesterday.. she ran away agian.. but came back.. and now shes gone again.. and if she doesnt come backk.. my mom is gonna call the police agian..for the 5 time.. i know the po po know me pretty well. cuz of my dad..and my sister.. hha. ya..

anyway.. shes gone agian.. my other sister is preg,my dads a drunk and my mom works her ass off.. and i get bad grades... WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!>.


arggg!!!... anway i gotta go soon ..not to much else i wanan say .. but i'll try to think of something.. i gotta do my homework.. hah.. yea.. i am goning to . i have to get my grades up.. i feel so bad for my mom.. i have a alot of things on my mind.. can you guess what .. yea ya know..

the thing bout Russ.. i give up on that .. i dont need it .. i dont need a b/f.. and i'm sure it will get better.. i hope anyway..

i need some where to go.. i need someone to talk to ... arg.. i gotta go .. buh bye... LOVE YOU ALL

hey... i'm at school.. and i'm bored.. alot has went on.. i mean i like russ and all .. but i'm not sure how i like him away more... i mean .. him and jessica are going out.. and he says he likes me more as a friend then anything.. and i'm really really really.. like him.. but i'm not sure anymore.. i know i know i'm confusin.. i'm confusin my self.. and i hate it soo bad.. i juat wanna figure everything out.. i wanna know what i feel like and how i feel .. its a very sad time for me anymore.. ya know... arggggggggg!!!!!..
wendy said that he was very depressed cuz he thinks i'm mad at him.. but im not really.. its not the fact that hes going out with her.. its the fact that he lied to me.. and held my hand..and had his arm around me.. but its the face thta he lied to me.. and its not the first time...
i just wanan gooo hoommmeeee.. noo.. i'm hungry i want sum foodd.. how could i be sooooooooo dumb.. i mean come'on.. i'm the stupidest person to ever think he could like me back.. anyway.. wendy told me that eh was going out with her when he held my hand and "stuff".. but.. he never said sorry to her.. NEVER.. and so i think that that means he doesnt regret it.. or so wendy says.. hmmm...
i've been worryin to much bout him.. and not enough bout everyone else.. like my friends.. so yea... i'm sorry ALLLL my friends.. alll of them.. i think i wanna sleep for a long time and neber wake up.. yes NEBER!!!.. hah... anywho.. wendy plays a big part in this messed up thingy.. yes she is.. maybe i should forget it all hmmmmmm.. maybe i shouldnt have ever liked russ... maybe it would allll gooooo away.. and he can live happyily with out me..
i rember the days when i thought boys had cooties.. ahhhh... cooties.. lol.. i rememeber when i could spelll remeber right.. ahhh well.. anyway.. i really am sorry for everything.. i kno i've been doing things wrong for a while now.. and i need to make it right... its not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... neber.... well the bell is gonna right soon.. bye bye i <333 you alll...